Parenting in the Pew
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Mark 1:14
Excerpts from Robbie Castleman’s Parenting in the Pew (Intervarsity, 1993):
“Training children in worship can attract parents as well as children to pay attention to what God is doing. Parenting in the pew helps you pay attention to the most important thing you can ever train your children to do: worship”(p.16)…”Worship doesn’t come naturally to us humans. God had to train the people of Israel to worship. He went to great lengths to train his people how He deserved to be honored and loved and known.” (p.19)
“Worship is not simply the refueling to get us through another week… nor tradition… not a time to tune out and relax… not an hour of Christian entertainment… Worship IS the surrender of our souls to a God who is jealous for our attention, time and love. Worship is a challenge. With children it is a bigger challenge!(p.24-25)
“In many of our modern, sophisticated congregations, children are viewed as distractions. We tolerate children only to the extent that they promise to become ‘adults’ like us. Adults complain that they cannot pay attention to the sermon, or listen to the beautiful music with fidgety kids in the pews. ‘Send them away,’ many adults say… Interestingly, Jesus put a little child in the center of them, ‘in the midst of them,’ in order to help them pay attention… The child was a last ditch effort by God to help them pay attention to the odd nature of God’s kingdom. Few acts of Jesus are more radical, countercultural than His blessing of children.” (from Life in the Christian Colony by Stanley Hauerwas and William Willimon, p.96)
Many of us have never been trained to worship. We have simply been told to “be quiet in church”! And while learning to be quiet is important, it is not an end in itself… Worship is!”
“Children learn to worship by worshiping—through participation, practice and patience.”(p.25) “A great deal of parenting in the pew is just letting our children see us celebrate before the Lord.” (p.29)
“Joy is the last word many parents would choose to describe what it’s like to sit in the pew with their children. Resentment and frustration are not uncommon feelings for people who “before kids” had an hour of peace and calm in church. Parenting in the pew can be a hassle OR IT CAN BE HOLY!” (P.30)
“If you don’t have a deep motivation, an unshakable reason for training your children to worship, participation will be hollow, practice will be inconsistant and patience will be non-existent” (p.26-27)… “Step by step, we learned to participate. We practiced. And practice. And practiced. I learned to be patient in times of discouragement, spiritual dryness and distraction… In the early years, training my children to worship was lonely. I just kept at it. I wondered at times if my effort would really make a difference… Then I began to realize the boys were learning to worship a God they loved. I made worship training important because I wanted my sons to know God and love Him.” (p.26)
Practical helps:
Preparation begins on Saturday night!
HEART PREP—Communicate that Sunday is special! Pray with and for your children to have open and receptive hearts to God’s Word and the Holy Spirit’s prompting. Model before them that Worship is important to you. Announce, “This is the very best day of the week! This is God’s special day!!!”
HOME PREP—Again, do as much as possible on Saturday night. Choose and lay out children’s clothing. Lost shoes equal stress! Make sure to get to bed at a reasonable hour on Saturday night. This is as important for teenagers and adults as it is for young children. Make it a “reasonable sacrifice” in order to be able to give God our very best on Sunday morning. “I’m tired!” seems to have become the doxology of the modern church.
• Get up in time to have a peaceful morning. Because the Sunday schedule is usually different, we often slack off and then have to race off! Remember, the less stress before church, the easier it is to quiet little (and big) hearts at church.
• Plan a simple breakfast… Perhaps something you don’t have the rest of the week. Keeping Sunday simple can help keep Sunday special for God. The Sabbath rest was given to free up our time so that we can pay attention to the Lord.
• Think ahead—Review any verses or lessons before Sunday morning. If you give a tithe or offering, have it ready before leaving for church.
GRACE PREP—Remember the church is a “Household of households”—a “Family of families”—Try to be patient and show grace as parents are training their children to worship. As parents, we are diligently to work with our children at home during the week, training them to sit and focus. We may, at times, need to take a disruptive child out of the worship service to work on issues. Try to remain calm and remember the long-term benefits of training your child to worship! And encourage parents as they work with their children. Children matter to God. They should matter to us!